


Cosmic punishment

by Nayla



Category: Fantastic Four (Comicverse), Marvel, Spider-Man (Comicverse)
Genre: M/M, also peter's bisexual, johnny storm thinks he's the shit but he's secretly a loser, peter parker's a loser, so they're pretty PERFECT FOR EACH OTHER, they wear each other's clothes in this because I have priorities in life, this is kinda AU because Johnny knows peter's spiderman and they're teens, this is the longest fic I've ever written in english and I did it in like two days, this ship fucked me up so bad, whaaaaaaaaaat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-18
Updated: 2014-08-18
Packaged: 2018-02-13 16:17:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2157120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nayla/pseuds/Nayla
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"You’ve run out of excuses now, Parker. What does it take for you to have some fun?"</p><p>“Something bad, I guess.” Peter sighs. “It's a truth universally acknowledged that when something good happens to me, something bad will follow because I can't be happy. The universe hates me.” It’s a very old theory and he has the evidence to support it.</p><p>(apparently when I first posted this, half of the work just disappeared?????????? I don't understand what happened but there were definitely a few parts missing but now I checked it and everything's right. So pls if you've read it before and thought there were things missing/not making any sense, please give it another try)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cosmic punishment

**Author's Note:**

> THIS SHIP IS RUINING MY LIFE. I'm done.
> 
> It's kind of a secret gift for tamara, but I won't actually gift it to her because I don't want to spoil her. WRITE ME SPIDEYTORCH FICS AND I'LL GIFT THINGS TO YOU AGAIN!
> 
> Special thanks to hannah and cahnove for putting up with my major freak out over this fic and for not murdering me. I love you, girls.
> 
> (also it's late and all my friends are sleeping so there's no one to beta read this, but I just have to post it today or I'll lose my courage. Tomorrow I'll have a beta and I'll edit any mistakes)

"When I met you, I thought you were kind of a dick." Peter says, but that's not exactly true. When he first met the human torch, he found his lecture embarrassingly inspiring and beautiful, but he'd rather die than let the five minutes in which he was a human torch fanboy come to light, even though he probably's a superhero because of the other.

"Well, when I first met you, I thought you were a huge nerd. And guess what? You are." Johnny grins and sits beside him on the statue of liberty. It's not like any of them would admit it, but they’re pretty beat from saving New York again.

"And that was because you _are_ kind of a dick." Peter continues, pretending Johnny hasn't just talked over him.

"Am I feeling a 'but' coming? Yeah, I'm pretty sure I'm feeling a 'but' coming."

"Do you like butts that much, Johnny?" Peter can't really help himself.

" Haha. Now come on, come on, come on, you were about to say how you grew to love me with all your heart and soul." Their shoulders bump into each other.

"But." And he pauses for dramatic effect. "When I found out you were this big of a loser, I felt really sorry for you."

"Excuse me?" Johnny fakes shock.

"All the horrible puns, the stupid pop songs you like, the smugness about your own cute butt, this stuff isn't healthy, man. I think you should seek help, I really do." Peter tries really hard to keep a serious façade, but he loses it when Johnny punches him on the shoulder.

“Aha. You said cute butt.”

“From all the things I said, that’s what you choose to fixate on.” He smiles, amused.

"You did say cute butt.” He sounds way too pleased for his own good. “But go on with your little monologue. Why are we friends, then? Please enlighten me."

"Because I felt sorry for you, weren't you listening?"

"I wasn't. I just assumed you were geeking out over something stupid and I dozed off. It happens a lot."

"Oh my god, Johnny Storm made a reasonably funny joke, the world is about to end."

"Jokes aren't meant to be 'reasonably' anything. Jokes are funny or they aren't, there’s no middle ground. Here, I'll give you an example. Me, I'm hilarious. You, not funny. Not funny at all."

"So why do you keep hanging out with me? There must be a reason. Come on." Peter crosses his arms and turns to face him. "If it isn't for my dashing looks or my amazing sense of humor, then what? I don't think there's any much left."

"It's your tight spandex suit." Johnny doesn't even blink. "Makes your butt looks great."

"A million girls just cried themselves dry this very second. Shame on you, Johnny Storm."

"And another million just highfived right now. You know, Pete, there are fanfics about this." He gestures between them.

Peter bites his tongue to stop himself from asking _"and what exactly is this, Johnny?"_ because he'd really like to know. They always do that, when they meet, to fight crime or just to hang out, they flirt, they have a good laugh and then they do it again and again and Peter's smile is growing a little tired.

"The internet is a bad place, you shouldn't go there. They say horrible things about Andrew Garfield's eyebrows and the guy's pretty much perfect. I'd jump him in a heartbeat." Peter says and thinks that the only way he could be more obvious would be if threw some confetti at him and wrapped his naked body in the bisexuality flag.

Johnny makes a face.

"What the fuck, dude. Why are you staring at Andrew Garfield when Emma Stone's standing right next to him?"

"Ah, let's talk about how straight you are, then. That's, like, my favorite subject, ever." Peter says and it's very hard to smile at him, but then it's not because Johnny laughs; he throws his head back and just laughs like he just heard the funniest thing in the world and it's delightful. It's also horrible and unfair and pathetic and Peter wants to cry at how big of a crush he has.

"Oh, Pete, you really aren't funny." He says, after he's done laughing his ass off. "That was out of pity, just so you know." He then coughs and tries to pull himself together.

"You're a horrible human being, you and the internet deserve it each other."

"I know, I know, but anyway, what are you doing tonight?"

"Apparently something really stupid like hanging out with you." Peter sighs. His agenda had a "getting over stupid crush on stupid Johnny" appointment, but he keeps postponing it against his better judgment.

It's not actually his fault, how could it be his fault when Johnny's grinning at him _like that_? So Peter grins back at him, says his goodbyes, swings home and eats a lot of ice-cream in a very passive-aggressive way.

xxx

"Did I tell you about that time I burned Doctor Doom?" Johnny is talking and eating his hamburger at the same time. "Like I didn't actually burn him because the doom bots kept firing stuff at me and I couldn't get anywhere close to him, but..."

"You made fun of his plan and that was awesome. I was very proud of you." Peter finishes the sentence for him and steals some of his fries. "Also, I was there. Saving your ass."

They had forgotten to agree on where to meet so they eventually got together on their usual place, exactly where they were earlier today. It's late and they are on the Statue of Liberty, in their superheroes costumes, eating mcdonald's and bickering because they are lame. But it's a nice kind of lame and Peter's very aware that this is not a date.

"I've got no memory of that." Johnny raises his arm to keep the fries away from Peter, but the nerd web shoots it and gets it back.

"What about that time you borrowed my motorbike, flamed your head on and started shouting that you were the ghost rider?"

"Nope, doesn't ring any bells." Johnny licks his lips when Peter points out that there's ketchup on his bottom lip. "But, in my defense, I was very drunk and I did buy you a new one."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, blame it on the alcohol, not on the fact that you are the stupidest person alive."

"I do, though, remember that time the whole world saw you naked, that was fun."

"Must feel good having a brain so small you've got to choose which memories to keep and which to disregard."

"It feels awesome, thank you very much."

"Don't thank me, come on. That was an insult, and a very clever one. I insulted you because I hate you, you know, for the record." Peter says, but feels every bit of fight he has in him wither away and die when Johnny laughs and hugs him.

"Come on, Pete, time to get moving, we're late." He stands and pulls Peter up.

"Where are we going?"

"You agreed to a night out with Johnny Storm and, my friend, I'm taking you places." He says, dramatically, like he has a magic carpet and it's about to sing 'a whole new world.'

"Not another nightclub." Peter whines because he knows Johnny, and he's a predictable jerk.

"But it's a costume party!" Johnny is so excited he's almost bouncing on his feet. "We can go with our own superhero costumes and no one will find it weird."

Peter is pretty much convinced that nothing can be worse than this, until Johnny grins and says:

"Or we could exchange costumes and go as each other."

Peter looks away at a nonexistent camera like he's on the office because _seriously_. And, when he looks back Johnny has already started to undress. He should have known, no one should ever underestimate Johnny Storm when it comes to bad decision making because he's the fucking king.

He knows he should refuse, he knows that he should feel angry at the very idea because a shirtless johnny isn't something he can just erase from his memories, but he doesn't because he's a weak pathetic little shit with zero self preservation instincts. Also because the school's counselor presented a lecture today about saying yes to life so he's saying yes to a half naked johnny storm.

"Fine, but this time I am not using a paper bag with two holes on my head." As soon as he begins to undress, Johnny wolf whistles.

Peter Parker really would like to know what he has done to the universe to deserve this because falling for Johnny Storm's gotta be some kind of cosmic punishment, there's no other explanation.

xxx

"I don't know if I should feel impressed or creeped out that you have a fake ID for me too." Peter yells at him because they just entered the night club and the music's way too loud.

"You should feel impressed!" Johnny yells back. He has the spider mask on one hand, takes Peter’s with the other hand and leads him to the bar. "It's on me, come on, Pete."

Apparently Johnny Storm already has a tab on the bar and everyone knows him. He gets people waving at him, calling his name and judging the big loser that is holding hands with him. Peter feels suddenly very conscious that he’s not only the loser he’s holding hands with, he’s also the loser who’s wearing Johnny’s clothes.

“Johnny, I don’t think I should stay.” He says when the blond arrives with a shot of something radioactive green. “ My aunt will probably be worried.”

Johnny shushes him.

“It’s okay, I texted Sue and asked her to call aunt May and say that you’re spending the night at the Baxter Building. You’ve run out of excuses now, Parker. What does it take for you to have some fun?"

“Something bad, I guess.” Peter sighs. “It`s a truth universally acknowledged that when something good happens to me, something bad will follow because I can't be happy. The universe hates me.” It’s a very old theory and he has the evidence to support it.

“You’re using too many big words and that's just wrong, man, please drink it.” Johnny takes the shot to Peter's face, gestures for him to drink it, and when Peter does, he applauds him. “I’ll get another one.” And he's gone before Peter can open his mouth to say it was the most disgusting think ever.

Peter downs three more and he realizes that he’s getting drunk when it starts tasting better. For someone with an incredibly fast metabolism, he’s such a lightweight and he’s pretty sure Johnny’s laughing _at him,_ not with him as he claims.

“Let’s dance!” Johnny gestures to the dance floor and puts the mask back on.

They are both horrible dancers and Peter spends five minutes standing there awkwardly, having people bump into him and watching Johnny make a fool of himself and _that_ almost makes the bumping worth it.

“Peter, why aren’t you dancing?” He takes Peter's hands in his, and that is the third time it happens in the last hour, but who’s counting?

They are swinging together like two toddlers and Peter would feel really embarrassed for it, but Johnny takes the mask off, mouths “we are so drunk, dude” to him and that, somehow, makes it okay.

When someone bumps into him now, he lets himself be pushed closer to the blond. They get so close that Peter's pretty sure he's gonna catch on fire if Johnny breaths on his face again. He takes longer than he should to realize that he won’t because that’s not his superpower. He won’t burst into flames, he’s safe. He’s good, it’s good. It’s great. The greater he felt in ages.

He's feeling warm because Johnny's hands are warm and he's touching him, everywhere. Johnny’s just inches away and he’s smiling; that smug horrible smile that Peter hates so much, that’s within his reach. Just one step closer and he could touch it, he could feel it, kiss it. They are drunk, Peter reminds himself. They are so very drunk and that's okay. Blame it on the alcohol, not on the fact that he’s an idiot that has a huge crush on his best friend since the day they met.

Johnny’s saying something that goes unheard. His lips are moving, they are dancing and inviting Peter’s to dance with them and Peter could do it. He really could.

He could, but he won’t. He’s drunk and Johnny’s drunk and it would mean nothing, there’s no guarantees that they would even remember it the day after and Peter doesn`t want this. He wants to remember the kiss and he wants to do it again and again and forever. He wants dates and hand-holding, he wants to fight and make up, he wants to wake up and listen to a groggy Johnny toss in bed in the mornings, he wants it all because this isn't a thing, this isn't a crush, this is him being terribly and hopelessly in love.

The thought makes it suddenly very hard to be there and he is overwhelmed with the need to run. “I’m sorry, Johnny.” He says and turns away, walking towards the exit in long, rushed steps.

“Pete, hey. Peter!” Johnny calls after him, but the music’s loud and Peter’s basically running so the yells die out in a second.

When he gets out on the street, he stops. Everything’s so quiet that he can hear his own desperate heartbeat.

“Pete, what happened?” Johnny’s suddenly there and Peter’s terrified that he too can hear the loud noise his heart is making.

“I’m just… I’m not feeling very good, Johnny, I won't be any fun and I think I should go home.”

“Bullshit, you're coming home with me. Aunt May isn’t expecting you home, remember?”

“ I don’t want to impose.” He knows Johnny has a point, he doesn’t trust himself to find his way home in this state, but still, if he goes to the Baxter Building it will be harder for him to wallow in pining and self-pity like he wants to do.

“Please.” Johnny laughs at him, and then starts walking. ” Come on, let’s go, the party sucked anyway.”

Their walk home is not as awkward as Peter thought it would be, especially because Johnny keeps singing stupid pop songs, dancing and tripping over his own feet.

"Easy there, Fire Brain." Peter hugs his shoulder to keep him from falling to the ground again, but it doesn't do much good because Johnny basically drops on top of him, burying his face on Peter's neck, and gets comfortable there. "Ugh." He complains, but keeps his friend steady. Thanks, proportional strength of a spider.

Johnny's singing 'Friday' now, but in the middle of the song he forgets the words and starts 'lalala'ing it, and Peter can't decide if that ridiculously adorable or adorably ridiculous.

"Hey Pete, Pete, stop!" When Johnny suddenly shouts, his lips move against Peter's neck and it tickles. This is probably the worst thing that has happened to Peter, ever, since Gwen's death. "I have a great idea."

"Says the king of bad decision making, come one, Johnny, we shouldn't stop now. We're close." Peter sighs and he can feel himself sobering up already, which is good, but also, it's bad.

"No, no, no, this is the best idea I've ever had, wait." Johnny goes over to the next building and begins to jump, trying to reach the fire escape stairs.

"Breaking and entering is not a great idea, Johnny, breaking and entering is a felony." Peter has a very vivid vision of tomorrow's front cover of the Daily Bugle calling him a criminal again, except this time they'll have a good reason for doing it and he can't let it happen. But when he begins to call for Johnny, the idiot's somehow managed to climb it and is currently hanging upside down and feeling very proud of himself.

"Get down, Johnny, this isn't funny."

"It's not funny, but it's fun." The blond retorts. "I've always wanted to try it. Now come on, let's go for an upside-down kiss."

"It's only fun because you're drunk out of your mind right now." Peter rolls his eyes, and he feels he's getting way angrier at this than he probably should, but Johnny's grin gets even bigger.

"That can be easily solved, come on, Pete." He says and then begins smoking.

"No, no, no, no, no." Peter yells at him. "You aren't going all flame-y on my spidey suit."

"I'm not." Johnny replies. "I'm just getting sober."

"What?"

"That's something I can do. I mean, last time I got really drunk, I fucked up bad, so Ben threw me at the swimming pool and tried to drown me. It didnt work, but I found out I could, like, make all the alcohol evaporate, or something."

"Whatever, please, Johnny, just get down."

"But I'm not that drunk anymore, I know what I'm doing."

"And yet you're still up there because you're a fucking moron!" Peter explodes and punches a wall, cracking it. "FUCK!"

Peter's hand is bleeding and throbbing, but he's high on adrenaline and he's ready to punch something else, like Johnny Storm's fucking face.

"Get the fuck down, now." He can't remember the last time he was so angry.

"I'm... uh... My feet're kinda stuck on the parapet." Johnny says, a bit taken back by his sudden outburst.

Peter groans and lets himself fall to the floor, overcome with frustration and anger and _feelings_.

"Are you... Are you okay, man?" Johnny tries, a bit uncertain of how he should proceed.

"I'm just." Peter takes a deep breath and rubs his eyes with his clenched fists. "You're so fucking stupid, why the fuck would you do something like that? Why do you do any of the things you do? I don't get it and I can't... I can't do this, I'm sorry, but I can't.

"You what?" Johnny gasps at him. "What are you saying?"

"I'm saying I quit." Peter feels like there's something heavy crushing his chest and he tries to turn the pain into more anger. It works surprisingly well.

"What? Are you saying we can't be friends anymore? What's your fucking problem?"

"You're my fucking problem!" Peter snaps and gets up, going to face him. Every word he gets out pains him, but he forces himself to keep going. "I thought I could be friends with you, I really did, but it's too much."

"Pete, stop!" Johnny reaches out for him, but Peter just flinches away from him. "What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about this! This, right here! This 'Pete' thing, it's almost like you care, like you're worried, stop this!"

"I do care and I'm fucking worried!" Johnny yells back at him, and then adds, clenching his teeth. "Peter! Of course I care about you."

"No, you don't! You always do this! You call me 'Pete' and you flirt with me like there's no fucking tomorrow, then you go and date every girl on the planet. I get it, you're super hyper mega straight, good for you! But why are you messing with me, then? Why do you keep leading me on? Do you think it's funny? Every time you look at me _like that_ , I just... It makes me hopeful and it makes me happy, but it's just a sick joke to you, right? Inviting me to dance, pulling me close, touching me and saying you want to kiss me, like, it's cruel." Peter feels his eyes watering and he tries to use it to fuel his anger at Johnny, but he gets nothing. He was angry and he fought as hard as he could, but he still lost in the end and he has nothing left now. "God, I hate you so much."

Johnny just stares at him for a few minutes. "Pete, I..."

"Sorry." Peter sighs and tries to stop crying. "I'm sorry, I just. We're friends and I do love being with you, I mean, I know you don't do any of these things on purpose, but it still hurts and I..."

"I do it on purpose." Johnny says, quietly.

Peter feels like he's just been stabbed and tries his best not to blink. He summons what's left of his dignity and refuses to shed any more tears.

"Dammit, Pete, it's not like that." His efforts might have been futile because Johnny looks at him and notices something on his face that makes him panic. "I like you, I really like you. But I just, I never thought you could like me back, so I do all these things because I'm a dick, because I'm a selfish bastard, because I like touching you and flirting with you and it's easier and safer than actually talking to you about how I feel."

It's Peter's time to stare at him.

"You mean you like me back? But... What about all these girls you go out with?"

Johnny scoffs. "My brain may not be as big as yours, but I somehow got to keep all those memories of you hanging out with a lot of babes."

"I'm bisexual." Peter says. This is not how he imagined this conversation happening, but now he'll have to go with it. "I thought you knew. I dated Harry for a while, but it didn't work out, us being mortal arch-nemesis and all."

"I don't know what I am, I just... I just know that I like you." He is fidgeting. "I mean, I freaked the hell out when I figured out what that I had feeling for some dude, but I couldn't change it and, later I realized that I actually didn't want it to change because it's not some guy, it's... It's you, I mean, I..." He groans. "I don't know how to do this, Pete. I guess I was scared that you didn't like me back, but I was terrified that, if you did, I'd eventually fuck this up, so I convinced myself it would never happen and that those accidental touches and stolen glances were enough for me. But it's not and I'm done. I'm done hurting you, I'm done running away from things that scare me. I'm a superhero, right? That's not something a hero does." He takes a deep breath. "I like you, Peter, I really do and I'd love to be more than a friend to you if you... If you'll have me."

"Are you sure you're not drunk anymore?"

"Very sure."

Peter wants to believe him. He never saw Johnny look so nervous before in his life and it scares the shit out of him because it means it's real, it means Johnny likes him too. It means he could be _really fucking happy_ from now on.

"Please get down." Peter takes a step closer to him and holds the blond's face on his hands.

Johnny gapes at him because that's not what he was expecting, neither what he was hoping to hear.

"Are you still mad at me? Do you still h-h-hate me? He shutters, his lips trembling.

"Get down, Johnny, you moron, so I can kiss you senseless." Peter laughs and it sounds like a sob.

" What.. I... I..."

Peter does enjoy for a moment the fact that he's just let Johnny Storm speechless, but then he takes pity on him.

"If I kiss you now, upside down, you'll probably fall from there, you're gonna hit your head and fucking die on me."

"What? Peter, that's crazy." The way Johnny is looking at him makes Peter briefly wonder if he's not as sober as he thought he was.

"It's not, it's just my luck! The Peter Parker luck you've always been so jealous of! I may get a lot of good things, but the universe never lets me enjoy them, they never go unpunished, okay? Bad things have happened and bad things will happen again and again, so I can't... I just can't risk it."

"You're the fucking moron." Johnny replies and Peter can see he's making an effort not to laugh at him. "I can't die from falling that close to the ground. Also, I can fly." He flames his feet on and melts the piece of metal that was keeping him stuck, finally getting down. "A bad thing has happened already and that was me, just now, toasting your spidey costume."

"That is pretty bad, now I'll have to sew a new one." Peter nods, laughs and is surprised by how right this feels.

"So, now it's time for something good to happen, right? Like we'll go back to the Baxter Building and we'll make out and cuddle and sleep tangled together like two octopuses." Johnny holds Peter's hands for the fourth time. "And in the morning, to make up for us being happy, I'll probably fuck up and do something terrible to our breakfast. I don't know, I'll burn the pancakes or something and you'll have to eat them anyway because you're too polite to refuse something I did with so much love."

"Oh, god." Peter laughs again and feels the tears coming back to his eyes, but he doesn't mind those.

"Good things will happen and so will bad things, but that's okay, because we'll handle them, right?" He stops and chews on his bottom lip for a second. "It won't be easy, hell, I won't be easy, but I want to try, if you'd like that."

Peter kisses him hard.

"Besides." Johnny says when they break apart." The universe might hate you, but it loves me, so I guess everything kinda evens out, right?"

Peter groans at that, and then kisses him again.


End file.
